The Wireless Breach A High Stakes Field Test in the Public Eye

Dante

My girl has always been the curious type so we picked up a new wireless bullet before the last long weekend. Shipping was a nightmare because of the discretion factor but it finally showed up on a Tuesday morning. It runs on AAA batteries and the build quality is actually impressive. We did a range test in the apartment and I could stand halfway down the hallway toward the elevator while she was in the bedroom and it still stayed synced. The buzz is low but it is there. You cannot expect a silent motor when it is packing that much torque.

We hit Six Flags the next morning. To make sure the thing did not take a dive in front of a family of four I tied the retrieval cord to the lace of her thong and had her wear a pair of black sheer tights under her skirt as a double layer of insurance. She insisted on wearing heels which was a mistake for a park day but I stopped arguing with her once we got to the gates. I kept about thirty feet behind her with the remote in my pocket. Every time I hit the trigger she would just stop dead in her tracks and look back at me with this look of absolute panic and heat. She said the standing sensation was ten times more intense than what we did in bed the night before.

The real hit was the hypercoaster. Those over the shoulder harnesses and the lap bars press right into the pelvic bone. While she was screaming at eighty miles per hour the vibration went into overdrive because of the G force. I had the remote in my pocket and forgot to shut it down. By the time we hit the brakes she could barely walk. When she came out of the restroom ten minutes later she told me we had to leave immediately. Her tights were completely shot and the silk was soaked with the evidence of the ride.

A quick post game analysis for the rookies. Always tie the cord to her lingerie and use sheer tights as a backup. You do not want that piece of hardware hitting the pavement in a crowd. Also bring a pack of wipes or tissues. When the flood hits you do not want to be stuck in a public restroom trying to clean up the aftermath with low grade paper. And skip the miniskirt unless you want everyone in the line to hear the hum.

If you want to see the actual visual data from this session including the moment the coaster harness hit the switch the Red Room has the unedited archive waiting for you. We captured the entire descent from the front row. The vault is open.

Experience is the only truth that matters.